


The Reject

by spacestationwedding



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Embarrassment, Fantasizing, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, One-Sided Attraction, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Secret Crush, Sexual Fantasy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacestationwedding/pseuds/spacestationwedding
Summary: Steve’s eyes darted around. He crawled forward, keeping the blanket covering Bucky’s body. For a moment, he stared at Bucky’s face. Between his eyes and his lips, back and forth. Bucky’s heart raced. Was he going to kiss him? It sure looked like it, given how Steve had crawled over him and was looking at his mouth. Jesus, was Steve about to-





	The Reject

“Did you take your medicine?” 

“Yes, ma,” Steve groaned and rolled his eyes from the armchair. He was sketching in the margins of an old newspaper, after having filled up his notebook and sketchbooks. They had pinched every penny to be able to afford the bottle of pills sitting on the kitchen counter. Things like Steve’s drawing and Bucky’s dates had been forgotten in favor of survival. And apparently, Bucky had taken on the role of mother hen.

“That’s a compliment. Your ma was a wonderful woman, God rest her soul.” Bucky walked past, leaning over the back of the chair to peer over Steve’s shoulder. “Anythin’ hurtin’ extra today?” 

“Head,” Steve mumbled. “Pro’ly gonna take a nap later.”

Without a second thought, Bucky leaned down and brushed Steve’s floppy blond hair off his forehead. Quickly, he brushed his lips over Steve’s head. Barely even a kiss, but that was all he thought he could get away with.

Anything more and he’d basically admit his hopeless love for his best friend. 

“Just like your ma, huh?” He laughed, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “Gotta get to work. Be sure to eat somethin’- there’s some beans in the cabinet. And drink lots of water-”

“Go to work, Buck.” With a laugh, he pushed Bucky’s hip away and turned back to his drawing. 

The rest of the day was too busy for him to even think. Worry for Steve, for himself, was tossed aside in favor of the huge quota of automobile parts he needed to put together. The factory was understaffed, meaning more work was pushed onto the remaining workers. Bucky didn’t mind. His boss had given everyone an extra two cents an hour while times were rough, even allowed overtime. 

Still, by the time he was finished, he was dead tired. Trudging home mindlessly, just thinking about his warm...moderately soft bed and a glass of gin. It was nearly ten by the time he got through the door. 

Of course, Steve was out. No sense of self-preservation in that one. The curtains were drawn, keeping at bay the ever-lit street lamps. The apartment felt empty, like it hadn’t seen much activity all day. Bucky didn’t bother to close the shared bedroom door when he entered. 

The blankets were still mussed up from this morning- he and Steve both were terrible at remembering to do that. Plopping down with only muscle memory to guide him in the dark, he finally could relax. 

And maybe while the apartment was empty he could take advantage….

The thought had barely even formed in his head before he was already stripping off his belt and untucking his shirt. It was already dark out, so he’d have to hurry before Steve got home. He pulled his trousers off and pulled the blanket up a little, so it’d be easier to throw over himself in a hurry if need be. After licking his palm a few times to slick up, he wrapped a hand around his length to stroke it to hardness.

He focused on the thought of Steve, of course. After years of being in love with him, no other fantasy could get him going quite as much as the image of Steve Rogers. Maybe going down on him, with those pretty pink lips parting to wrap around the head of his cock. He imagined Steve would love it, moan at the taste. The more Bucky imagined it, the thicker his cock became in his hand. 

The Steve behind his eyelids pulled off of his cock with a smile, reached for a jar of Vaseline that he kept under the mattress- damn, he should probably use some of that. Bucky pulled some out and slathered it on his now fully hard cock. Fantasy-Steve dipped two fingers in, still kissing at the underside of his cock. Bucky groaned out loud as Steve reached behind himself and started- no, he had a better idea. Steve pulled Bucky’s legs apart and spread the Vaseline around  _ his  _ hole. With Bucky’s free left hand, he scooped up some more of the makeshift lubricant and did the same. 

He didn’t do this often- fantasized about Steve a lot, yes, fingering himself, no. It wasn’t until he’d finally gotten up the courage to find a guy to go with in one of the seedier parts of town that he’d experienced that kind of pleasure for the first time. But once wasn’t enough. 

Slipping the first inside was a bit of a struggle, given how long it’d been since he’d last done this. Taking in a breath, Bucky allowed himself a few moments to adjust before giving an experimental wriggle. He bit his lip to hide his moan, noticing how tight he was. Would Steve be impressed with it? Would he get one finger inside of Bucky and be desperate to have his cock there as well?

Settling back into the fantasy, he hitched one of his legs up by his ear and slowly fucked himself with the digit. Fantasy-Steve was licking stripes up and down his cock while he fingered him open. With his free hand, he simulated that feeling by dragging a wet fingertip along the head. 

Steve’s finger inside of him crooked upwards, prodding his prostate and making him cry out.

“Steve!” 

“Buck?”

His eyes flew open, heart skipping a beat and then pounding in his chest. He held perfectly still, ears straining. Did he imagine it? 

No, those were definitely footsteps. He hurriedly ripped his hands free of himself and snatched the blanket up. 

Steve was standing at the foot of the bed, a bag slung over his shoulder and his mouth open in shock. Shit, Steve saw him! He’d moaned Steve’s name like a whore, and now he knew-

“Are you...were you thinking about me, while you…?”

There was no way he could lie about it. He’d heard, he’d obviously heard. 

Bucky used his legs to sit up against the wall. Behind his ribs, his heart was still fluttering hard. Maybe this was the moment, when he could come clean. Maybe if he admitted how much he loved Steve, they could do something about it. Maybe he would feel the same.

“Yeah,” Bucky mumbled quietly. 

Steve’s eyes widened, as he dropped his bad to the ground. He slowly crossed over to the bed, sat heavily on it. 

“Is it...do you…”

“I love you,” he interrupted quickly. “It’s not like...I don’t know if that makes it better, but I think about you when I...because I love you.” 

A long silence stretched on. Bucky wasn’t sure what was going through his head, but at least he wasn’t angry. He’d seen Steve’s anger, and it was easy to pull out of him when he had something to be mad about. But he wasn’t reacting that way. 

“I didn’t know you were like that,” Steve finally spoke again. There wasn’t a harshness in his voice, just a soft questioning. Maybe...he wasn’t judging. It wasn’t judgment. Was it understanding?

“Yeah, for a while now,” he admitted. “It’s always been you, though…”

Those words made him nervous. It was something he’d never thought he could admit, but this was as good a time as any. 

Steve’s eyes darted around. He crawled forward, keeping the blanket covering Bucky’s body. For a moment, he stared at Bucky’s face. Between his eyes and his lips, back and forth. Bucky’s heart raced. Was he going to kiss him? It sure looked like it, given how Steve had crawled over him and was looking at his mouth. Jesus, was Steve about to-

There was a little brush of lips, and nothing more. Feather-light, and Bucky was so frozen that he couldn’t even kiss back. If it even was a kiss...he was a little confused. 

But then, Steve pulled away like he’d been shocked. He frowned, almost pouting. Suddenly they were several feet apart, and Bucky hadn’t moved a muscle. 

He stared at the floor, grappling with something internally. Bucky thought he should reassure him, let him know that it was okay. If he wanted to do this- Jesus, he could barely believe Steve might want to do this- they would find out some way to make it work. 

“Hey, it’s oka-”

“- I shouldn’t have done that.”

The sentence hadn’t left Bucky’s lips before the words faltered away. There was regret in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I just needed to see if maybe...I mean, I can’t deny that the thought has crossed my mind, but there just-”

There just isn’t anything there. Bucky was absolutely taken with the beauty of Steve Rogers, but he didn’t feel the same way.

“Sorry, Buck. I’m just not like you.”

Not a queer, his brain helpfully supplies. Not inverted. Steve was normal, and here he was absolutely defiling his image. Jesus, he needed to confess. He couldn’t wait for Sunday to come around again. 

He swallowed, staring mindlessly at the weave of the blanket covering his otherwise exposed junk. What was he supposed to do now? Should he offer to leave, move out, or wait for Steve to demand it? Was he supposed to apologize? He supposed that couldn’t hurt.

“Sorry,” he forced out. “I shouldn’t be this way, shouldn’t act on it- I tried so hard, I promise, it just-”

“Don’t apologize.” Steve snapped, making Bucky recoil. “Don’t even take blame. It’s...I know you wouldn’t, if you had a choice. But you don’t, do you?”

It seemed like a genuine question. Bucky shook his head in shame. Steve was right, but still, there was something wrong about what he’d just been doing. 

“It’s okay, Buck.” Steve reached out, slowly. His hand shifted back for a second, before completing the action. He gently grabbed Bucky’s shoulder. “I don’t mind.”

Which, okay, that wasn’t exactly what Bucky thought would happen when the truth came out. He assumed Steve would either feel the same or kick him out- but now, he wasn’t sure that this was any better. He still wanted to be friends, he guessed, but nothing more. Bucky would just keep living on, in love with his best friend, and suffering in silence. 

He wasn’t sure that he could do this for much longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure why I wrote this lol but here ya go- a universe in which Steve doesn't love Bucky. At least not like that.


End file.
